A Domestic Violence Testimony



I hated God.

I sat in my car blasting Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes and the only thing I could think of was how much I hated God.

Let’s rewind.

Hey, there...my name is M and I saw you reading your Bible..

I looked up, above the rim of my glasses, and saw one of the most gorgeous men I've ever seen. HIs hand extended waiting for mine.

This is where the story begins.

I soon learned that this tall, beautiful human came from the perfect pastor’s family. He was the epitome of perfection. He was funny. He was charming. And he knew exactly what to say to make me feel beautiful.

He was The One.

It took two weeks--two weeks for him to tell me how madly in love he was with me. And 2 weeks for the abuse to begin.

ER visits, bruises, 40lb weight gain.
Expensive dinners, apologies, my favorite flowers.

This was our cycle. This was our song.

And as much as I knew this wasn't what I dreamed my love story to be- I couldn't leave.

There was way too much invested in it. He was all I knew. And starting from scratch with this kind of brokenness wasn’t in my agenda.

So I fantasized about marrying his potential. This helped me forget about the physical and emotional damage taking place.

Fast forward.

Here I was.

Where is here? Here was lost. Here was homeless. Here was hating God for making me go through this and leaving me stranded.

The final exchange between M and I was kind of hazy. But what I do remember is his mother somehow blaming me for it all and forcing us to go our separate ways.

For months and even years, I carried this heavy burden of thinking, somehow, it was my fault--that I deserved every bruise placed on my body.

I remember replaying every scene and thinking that it was exactly the kind of love I wanted.

Real time.

Between then and now consisted of a lot of wrestling. I couldn’t wrap my mind around why God let bad things happen to good people. I couldn’t understand why an omnipotent God knew this was going to happen to me and let it.

Until one day I got the message that would change my life.

Another woman, who was just like me, went through similar abuse and was left hopeless just like I was. She read my blog and asked how I was able to overcome.

At that moment, all the pain I ever knew became worth it. I finally understood exactly how sovereign God was.

So I began to share my story.